Note to Self: Take the L and Move On 💔✨

Sometimes the hardest wins begin with surrender.

Jul 29, 2025

“No disrespect, Shandra—and I’m not excusing his behavior—but I know you. And a lot of your hurt is coming from your ego,” Bethany said, cutting through the noise of my birthday-week meltdown.

At the time, I was stuck in relationship limbo. She was further along in her healing journey, having escaped something similar. She saw through the chaos and, in love, called me out.

“You’re competitive. You want to win. But you’ve already lost too much.”

And she was right.

In one single year, I lost my job. My MacBook. He wrecked my car. My storage unit. My dignity. I lost myself.

There was a week I didn’t get off the couch. I was evicted, isolated, and still—he hurt me. Then he’d twist the knife with a reminder that I had “no one but him.”

Bethany remembered all of it. Her tough love came from a deep place of care—but it was also our first real fight since becoming close friends. I still tried to defend him.

“It was just our first argument,” I said.

But when we hung up, I crumpled to the floor and cried.

🎁 A Gift, A Truth

The next day, she sent me a classy box of wine for my birthday with a note:
“Sorry if I came off harsh. I love you.”

I thanked her—for the wine, yes, but mostly for the truth.

Everyone else had jumped ship. She stayed. She reminded me that to be whole again, I had to stop proving loyalty to someone who weaponized it.

I had to stop sitting in pain just to say I didn’t “give up.”

But here’s the truth I had to swallow:

Sometimes healing requires you to take the L.

💡 What the “L” Really Meant

I had to admit I was clinging to praise and approval—
“You’re so loyal.”

“You’re holding him down, you’re the real MVP!”

I wore those words like a badge. But they were keeping me in a burning building.

Ego told me that leaving would mean I quit. That all I gave up would be for nothing. That I’d have nothing to show for my sacrifices.

But here’s what ego didn’t want me to see:

Staying was the actual loss.

Boundaries had been crossed—again and again.
Lies exposed—again and again.
And I was still showing up to fight for a relationship that wasn’t fighting for me.

💔 Sometimes the Battle Isn’t Worth It

“You have to remove your ego,” Bethany pleaded.
“Take your L and move on, or this relationship will ruin you.”

I couldn’t hear her then. I had already lost so much—emotionally, financially, spiritually. And I was still sitting at that same damn table, gambling with scraps of my self-worth.

But eventually, I saw it.

Like a fighter left with nothing but bruises and pride, I had to admit I’d been beat.
Not because I was weak.
But because I was still swinging in a ring I had no business being in.

📝 The Turning Point

On my birthday—July 23rd, 2022 — I started writing this note to myself.

Yes, it’s been years. Yes, there have been detours. But I started to strip my ego away, piece by painful piece.

The tears weren’t just for the relationship.

They were for everything I gave up trying to keep it alive.

Taking the L was the start of my win.

💖 I Still Love Him… But I Love Me More

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t still love him, somewhere deep in the quiet.

But I love me more.

Forgiveness came slowly—sometimes in waves, sometimes not at all. But in the back-and-forth that followed, I learned something vital:

Love alone isn’t enough.
Not if it costs you yourself.

🛎️ Final Note to Self

To anyone reading this in the thick of it, to the version of me still sobbing on the floor:

Take the L.
Move on.
Your win is waiting on the other side.

💬 Let’s Talk

Did this resonate with you? I’d love to hear your story or reflections in the comments. 🫶🏽