📝 Note To Self: F That Apology

Not because I’m bitter, but because I don’t need it to be free.

There are apologies I may never get. Not from the ex who slut-shamed me, weaponized my sexuality and emotionally, physically and verbally abused me. Not from the family who thought it’d be fun to entertain his disloyalty and laugh about it then publicly display it on social media instead of standing beside me. Not from the friends who disappeared when I needed shelter—emotionally and physically. And definitely not from the people that exploited me for graphics and ideas while I lost everything and refused to pay me due to “concern about me”

Yeah, that part.

🎭 When “Love” Starts to Sound Like a Weapon

It’s wild how people can hurt you deeply and still manage to blame you for bleeding.

He told me the pain he caused was my fault. He broke my trust, humiliated me, slept elsewhere for nights at a time, said vile things—and somehow I was the reason? Because I stayed too long? Because I still believed in love?

That’s gaslighting on a PhD level.

And the truth is, I did lose a lot. But what I’m reclaiming now? Is myself.

🧠 Why I’m Not Waiting on an Apology

Here’s the thing:
Waiting for someone to apologize for destroying you is like waiting for a tornado to say sorry.
It won’t. It doesn’t even see you.
And if it does, it still doesn’t care.

Forgiveness is not the same as forgetting.
Forgiveness is me saying:

“You don’t get to control my heart anymore. You don’t get to set the emotional temperature of my life.”

💌 Note to Self:

I forgive you for being human.
I forgive you for loving someone who didn’t love you the same in return.
I forgive you for hoping.
I forgive you for surviving.
And most of all, I forgive you for taking so long to forgive yourself.

🧹 What Forgiveness Looks Like for Me Now

• I don’t chase explanations.

• I don’t re-read the text messages.

• I don’t defend myself in my head anymore.

• I don’t blame myself for his behavior.

• I don’t shrink to make others comfortable.

Instead, I’m writing.
I’m crying when I need to.
I’m laughing with people who actually see me.
And I’m walking away from anyone who tries to use love as a leash. (“If you really love me…”)

🌱 This is Part One

I’m not done healing.
But I’m done pretending that closure has to come from the people who broke me. F that too!

There will be more of these “Forgiveness Notes to Self.”
Some will be messy. Some will be powerful. All of them will be mine.
And if you’re reading this and nodding? They’re yours too.

This is Part One in a series of Notes To Self on radical forgiveness, survival, and setting your soul free.
If this spoke to you, share it with someone who’s tired of waiting for closure.

Drop a comment: Who do you forgive that never said sorry?